This is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things: The Expendables
The 13 year old in me squealed upon hearing about the upcoming summer release The Expendables, but the grown up in me knows this has got disaster written all over it. When Van Damme and Seagal both say, “Thanks, but no thanks.” to your film, you’ve got some problems. These aren’t guys known for their ability to attach themselves to quality projects. Hard Target and The Glimmer Man were entertaining films to be sure, but not on par with In the Bedroom or Chariots of Fire.
Eric Roberts and Mickey Rourke? Seriously, that’s like bringing both macaroni salad and potato salad to a picnic. While watching the trailer – which was edited by Stallone and is quite terrible – I kept thinking: this has got to be some kind of SNL skit or tease for the MTV Movie Awards. Apparently, this is a real film with a scheduled release in August, which essentially is the film industry’s not-so-subtle way of telling the world they’ve given up hope on your film.
It’s unnecessarily cruel to mention Stallone wrote and directed this mess.
Cast: Sylvester Stallone, Mickey Rourke, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Steve Austin, Terry Crews, Dolph Lundgren, Bruce Willis, Eric Roberts and The Governator.
That said, if you need me the second weekend in August, you know where to find my punk ass.