5 Pilots I Hope Don’t Make it to Series
Reboot may be just another word for nothing left to lose, but Tinseltown shows no signs of slowing down its sausage factory like production of refried source material. Charlie Angels has been reboot several times, most recently the two big budget, splashy film adaptations, but now the jigglevision franchise is coming back home to television. Veteran heartthrob Robert “RJ” Wagner is assuming the role of “Charlie” in the ABC reboot. The former Hart to Hart star and perpetual bon vivant is the right balance of cheek, charm, cheese and gravitas. And despite knowing better, I am kind of all over this potential reboot. The same can’t be said for 90% of the other dreck the networks have to sort through before announcing their fall lineups.Entertainment Weekly has a round up of the pilots hoping for that series order. Of the slew of pilot hopefuls, five impressed me by being the worst of a terrible lot.
“Work It” (comedy)
- “Two out-of-work salesmen realize that it is now a woman’s world and decide that in order to find work and succeed, they are going to have to dress as women to get jobs as pharmaceutical reps.”
It should be fairly obvious to our readership why this is destined for failure. Leaving aside the high speed train bound for transphobia, the premise has been DONE. It was called “Bosom Buddies” and it was awful too. Besides, unless this foolishness is set on Wonder Woman’s island I’m pretty sure white collar males regardless of competency can find jobs without resorting to this.
“Weekends at Bellevue” (drama)
- Drama based on the book by Julie Holland, MD; drama that centers on a psychiatrist in charge of the weekend shift of Bellevue Hospital psychiatric unit. (drama)
It’s based on a novel, which doesn’t mean it’s inherently better. Based on the cast (Lauren Ambrose) and the show runners (some people I’ve never heard of) I am not sure what could be gained from a show about a psych ward with its story focused on the poor, privileged clinical staff who have to treat the crazy people. Now a show about folks dealing with the system, the uneasy alliances forged with advocates and the passionate people in the trenches who eventually burnout because of lack of support – I’d give that looksee.
“Prime Suspect” (drama)
- US Series adaptation of the British miniseries.
Absolutely not. Not with Maria Bello not even on a dare. La Mirren owned this role. Nobody can touch La Mirren. And more importantly, they shouldn’t try. This is from someone who enjoyed the slow-pitch version of “Life on Mars” that ran on ABC a couple of years ago.
“Good Christian Bitches” (primetime soap)
- Set in Dallas and asks the question – Is it possible to start over in a town that thinks they already know you? Amanda once the ultimate “mean girl” in high school, returns home to Dallas after her marriage ends in scandal. Humbled, Amanda is nothing like the girl she once was. But as her old classmates reacquaint themselves with the new Amanda, will these “Good Christian Bitches” give her a second chance or is this their shot to seek revenge?
Wait, isn’t “Desperate Housewives” still on the air? Why do we need another one. It stars Leslie Bibb who I just think is a terrible actress.
“Halleluah” (dramedy?)
- When the Tennessee town of Hallelujah finds itself being torn apart by forces of good and evil, a stranger arrives to bring justice, peace and quite possibly restore the faith in the world that the residents so desperately need. The episodes will be punctuated by songs sung by the gospel choir, which serves as a sort of Greek chorus.
Oh this sounds awful, and I love me some Jesse L. Martin singing! It also stars Donal Logue so even it does make it to series, it’ll be swiftly canceled because Logue is an anathema to audiences. But you’re not listening; you’re watching Jesse L. Martin singing “Science Fiction Double Feature” in the above link. Xena, what have we done to deserve this.
Review the entire list here and give us your picks for “Oh HELL NAW!”
“I’m pretty sure white collar males regardless of competency can find jobs without resorting to this.”
Good glory be, yes to this. Although if it opts for some cheesy, 80s-style theme song melody, that would be a plus.
Meanwhile, I thought DH was going off the air this year. Has it wrangled another season out of ABC’s execs?
And I miss Jesse L. Martin, but I don’t want him wasted on this!
Halleluah sounds like a desperate bid for the Glee market or something. ‘Apparently music=profit!’
I’m still boggling over two, two, magical realism/fairytale pilots Grimm and Once Upon A Time, and the obscene number of pilots based on memoirs. Blech.
Touch sounds absolutely VILE. Poe might actually be interesting, but I also love period drama, so.
Is “Touch” the one with Kiefer? Shame on you, Tony Scott! I keep going back over this list and my notes and I keep shaking my head.
I’m a fan of Bones and was thoroughly confused a couple of weeks ago when an episode focused entirely on Geoff Stults and Saffron Burrows. I didn’t realize until about 15 minutes in that it was a back door pilot. I was horrified at how bad it was, but also excited that I’d finally seen a back door pilot first hand (I always miss them). As lovely as Stults and Burrows are to look at, I hope in my deepest heart of hearts that The Finder is catapulted into the Bermuda Triangle, never to be heard from again.
Gosh it was awful.
@marlene: I’m right there with you! I watch Bones most as filler while I’m doing something else, because I like Boreanaz and Deschanel, so I was also not pleased at all with that episode. Then again I didn’t like how JAG introduced the NCIS characters, but I was a fan of NCIS for many years (I think they’ve now jumped the shark).
That episode was appalling, and also not a back door pilot. Is it a ‘spin off’ if it doesn’t include any characters from the original series, and isn’t related in any way, at all? Like, no, every crime drama Fox airs from now on is not a Bones spinoff! Argh.
Fox is really banking on The Finder. They ought to ask CBS how the Criminal Minds spinoff is working for them. I really loathe backdoor pilots, even when they’re done okay (see: Private Practice) but this one sounds more like the disastrous Empty Nest back door pilot on the Golden Girls that squandered the talents of Rita Moreno and Paul Dooley and eventually had to be retooled with Richard Mulligan (who was much better suited for the role).
Looks like Fox is not picking up Weekends at Bellevue, which is a relief. though I wouldn’t mind another more suitable vehicle for Xzibit and Lauren Ambrose.
oh, I did not know they were remaking Prime Suspect, that felt like a punch in the gut. I’m sure La Mirren will be gracious about it, of course, because she knows it’s hers forever too. Perhaps this explain Lynda Carter’s behavior lately too….
Nobody tops Mirren, for cryin’ out loud!
Wonder Woman is getting so much negative buzz and they’re probably going to cancel Harry’s Law due to its soft, saggy ratings that most likely might have dodged a bullet on WW!
Do not want:
“Untitled Susannah Grant project (Susannah Grant, Jonathan Demme, Sarah Timberman, Carl Beverly). Ultra-Competitive surgeon’s (Patrick Wilson) life is changed forever when his ex-wife dies (Jennifer Ehle) and begins teaching him what life is all about from the here-after. Also stars Julie Benz (drama).”
This plot has been the basis for about 10 feature films per year, every year since about 1973 so I guess it sells but, NO.
I might watch Iceland for Zach Gilford, but would be more enthusiastic if it was actually set in Reykjavik.
Ahhh. The dead wife trope does itself some brisk bidness.
Hallelujah sounds so awful, so I gasped when I saw Jesse L Martin was associated with it because I always want him to win! Eeeek.
Also, how is Good Christian Bitches going to attract any kind of audience with that title!? Will Entertainment Tonight even mention it by name?
The title “Good Christian Bitches” is cheeky, but that premise will wear thin after about a season.
I might check out Person of Interest based on the names involved. Jonah Nolan, JJ Abrams and Jim Caviezel? You’ve piqued my interest (d’oh).
As for “Oh hell naw,” I’ll just be the one to point out the obvious–that Rob Schneider project. Sounds like the set-up for a bunch of racist jokes and maybe some appearances by Adam Sandler.
Another Schneider vehicle sends chills of terror down my spine. Doesn’t anyone in television realize nobody likes him.
I will only watch Hallelulah if Jesse L. Martin ends up facing off against Gary Cole as Lucas Buck from American Gothic. That would be epic.
I thought for a minute Chris Eigeman was playing Edgar Alan Poe and got really excited. That blond Australian guy looks way too healthy.
Two Mad Men ripoffs as well.
That Tim Allen thing sounds really dire. Blame women for your sucky career, why don’t you?
if handled right, the Tim Allen show could work. My guess and hope for the show is it will adopt the same approach as Home Improvement meaning the joke will mostly be on Allen’s character.
The description of “Work It” sounds like a pitch by the production team for Itchy and Scratchy. “And Poochie can make an appearance in the season finale…it’s a dog-eat-dog world, and he’s wearing Milkbone SPANX!!!”