Helen, I’d Still Start a Trojan War for You
This morning after getting sucked into the “news” story that the recent Bachelor couple has split — I am fascinated by modern-day arranged marriages and cultural obsessions with heterosexuality and matchmaking, so it’s research — but what broke me from my sleazy revelry was a HuffPo headline: Helen Mirren Topless. There is not a timer in my house fast enough to record how quickly I clicked on the link, even though I suspected it was going to a terrible pun and no nudity would really be there.
I was happily very wrong.
Let me warn you, I’m going to do some (respectful) objectifying here.
Sunday’s New York Magazine has a profile on the acclaimed actress and there are four gorgeous photos of Mirren. Two of them are PG-13 in their reveal, as far as work safety if you are concerned about unannounced visits from the boss, but 100% sexy so shut the door and give yourself a minute to enjoy. She appears to be taking a minute for herself in the pictures, lounging in a clawfoot bathtub, and she may or may not be asking you to join her. I know you think it’s scary to think of typing “helen mirren naked” into a search engine and be faced with pages and pages of terrible photoshop jobs and janky porn sites, I thought it might be best to fawn over them privately here at Fry Butter, scroll down and click through to see the hotness……..
Can I help you?
...or perhaps you can help me.
I am so happy to live in a world with Helen Mirren in it. And that she is a performer and therefore willing to make herself known and seen. And that cameras exist to capture said moments for eternity, or at least for a few hours of me to enjoy looking at. I am so happy and grateful that this photographer was born, that they are talented, and healthy and showed up for work that day. I’m pleased that New York Magazine is still in existence, still being published and editors there have the vision to recognize her greatness.
See what your sexiness does to me, Helen Mirren? Suddenly I’m so filled with love and praise for the universe. Hallelujah, and pass the loofah.
Why do I REALLY want to take a bath all of a sudden?
I confess I’ve googled “Helen Mirren naked.” More than once.
One of my favorite moments in the British sitcom Coupling was when Jeff was waxing prosodic over the heavenly Ms. Mirren:
Patrick: Why Helen Mirren?
Jeff: Because… she’s just so naked, isn’t she? It’s like she’s just got to get her clothes off. It’s like her breasts are afraid of the dark. When a Helen Mirren film comes on a telly that’s like a guarantee. Her name says: OK, boys, you better watch this one with a curtain shut!
Oh hells yeah. Helen Mirren.
My Dad went to college with Helen Mirren.
Oh my goodness! Where’s Tay Tay? Did he have final cut on this? Omg, I was scared to read all this flurry of Mirren info, because I thought Helen and Tay Tay (director Taylor Hackford) were splitting up. Whew! This is much better.
@redlami: the beauty of freelancing is that no IT staff is snooping around your browser histories.
@snarkysmachine: I still remember watching the Oscars with you on IM one year and our chat devolving into a foursome with Helen and Dame Judi. I believe it was of the double-bang swap variety.
@badhedgehog: does he have any good stories about classes with her?!?
@Raybear! I do believe I evoked Caligula!
oh isht, that’s right, you did! i bet i have that chat saved somewhere, we could dig it up for a “from the vault” post.
yes!
First of all, daaaaaamn. Second of all, now I’m thinking about the spider tattoo Michael Sheen kept talking about at the Oscars. Third of all, I wonder what we all make of the discourse that surrounds how “well preserved” Mirren is.
I find it odd that she’s considered “well preserved” when in fact she looks like a gorgeous woman in her 60s, which she is. I don’t like the assumptive notion that in order for one to be considered a beautiful older lady, she must also have freeze dried body or face. I think Mirren is lovely and I also think the, “can you believe how progressive we are for latching onto this Foxy Mirren” train is a bit much. She’s always been a babe. As usual the Brits are having a laugh at our expense as apparently they’ve known for decades that Mirren is a sex bomb.
My crush on Helen Mirren started when I saw “The Cook, the Thief, His Wife and Her Lover”. It can be really erotic to watch someone come alive, find their power and take a most stylish revenge.
I agree Snarky, I’m so annoyed by people being all proud of themselves for having a boner for her, when it seems so simple and obvious to me. She’s hot. Good for you for figuring that out, do you want a medal? It’s the same reason I find the term ‘MILF’ (and variations) annoying too, because it supposes the default that a mother (or woman over 30) is someone you’d NOT like to fuck, but for me, that’s my primary dating (and fantasy) pool, so get the fck over yourselves and quit crowding me over here.
I have been PRO MIRREN since 2010: The Year We Make Contact. Where’s my parade. I even watched Prime Suspect, which is interesting, because the only thing I remember is her! I think there were crimes to solve too.
Let’s not even mention White Nights.
Patiently awaiting (ok, NOT so patiently awaiting) “Love Ranch.”
HA! Dean. Yeah, that looks like Oscar material, but, of course, that’s mostly not why people are going to flock into the theaters to see it.