I Have Seen the House that Jaws Built and it is Terrific: The Quotable Michael Caine

Famed thespian, writer and professional “Cockney” Sir Maurice Mickelwhite is ridiculously (and hilariously) quotable. Here are selected quotes from books: Canteen Cuisine: In the Kitchen with Michael Caine, What’s It All About and his own blog. Caine’s wit is endearing, unlike some other self styled folks. I see you, Stephen Fry.

• “I wasn’t going ever to write a sequel because 18 years ago when I wrote my first book, I thought my career was over and for a couple of years it looked as though it was over but God smiled at me and gave me another shot. The book I’m writing will tell you what happened and of course what didn’t and will bring you up-to-date with my life. ” (source)
• “Such is an actor’s life. We must ride the waves of every film, barfing occasionally, yet maintain our dignity, even as the bulk of our Herculean efforts are keel-hauled before our very eyes. [On filming MacHale's Navy]” (source)
• “After all the years in the business, some people still think of me as a professional Cockney. As if people were paid for being Cockney. I’m actually from South London, not Bow, and any day of the week you will find 1.3 million Cockneys more authentic than me. Now very few of them are in Hollywood. But they still say “Caine’s a Cockney actor” as if I were some kind of lucky bastard who just happened to be perched at the right bar stool when a Hollywood producer walked in.” (source)
• “Oh, what a shock. My career must be slipping. This is the first time I’ve been available to pick up an award” (source)
• “Set in an old people’s home with some of our best character actors; Leslie Philips, Peter Vaughan, Rosemary Harris, Thelma Barlow, Sylvia Syms plus David Morissey, Ann Marie Duff who has just played Joan of Arc. In this film she plays the lady who owns the Old Folks Home. It is the story of a little boy of 10 who keeps making friends with the old people, and of course, they keep dying so he sets out to find their Ghosts without success, until Clarence the magician turns up, played by me and helps him find his lost friends. ” [About the film Is There Anybody There]
• “My record “Cained” comes out in September. It was weird the way this record came about, I was having dinner with Elton John at his house in Nice and he had on background music and as we were going through the dinner several of my favourite Chill records were played and I kept naming the tune or the artist much to Elton surprise and he asked me how I knew about this kind of music and I told him and he got me a three record deals. As they say in show business it is not what you know it is who you know. Have a listen I hope you like it.” (source)
• “I have never seen it, but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific.” [Jaws: The Revenge]
• “First of all, I choose the great roles, and if none of these come, I choose the mediocre ones, and if they don’t come, I choose the ones that pay the rent”